Failure is something that is hard to deal with. It isn’t a feeling I am used to.You know when you are used to being the best at what you do, failure comes as a surprise and hits you in the face when you least expect it.
Alright so I had been studying for a major exams and I ain’t gonna lie, i didn’t joke with my studies, I went all out. i stayed up late studying, making notes, you know the whole drill. Yo! It hit it me like a storm when I opened my email only to find out that i failed.
My first reaction was anger, well lets start with the setting i was in. I am a big foodie so obviously I was having lunch and yo the food was dope! Fried-rice, grilled chicken, salad and natural juice combo(pineapple, orange and ginger).Oh and kelewele! You may not know what it is but kelewele is one dope street food in Ghana. Its made from ripe plantain coated in spices and fried to perfection. The food was really good and was everything at the moment I was having it.
I was in my happy place but of course I had to ruin it when I heard the alert sound from my phone. I hurriedly opened the email and went through all the instructions, literally having a huge knot in my tummy. So I opened it and realized I had failed.This was literally the first time I had failed a major exam. I was in shock! I made it through medical school only to end up failing after. Bruh! My whole world came crushing at this point! The taste of the fantastic meal i was having changed, now the food was too bitter to eat.I immediately went home and sobbed like a baby. I didn’t know what to do or say, I was just weak(physically, mentally and emotionally).
I started thinking about how I was going to explain this failure to my parents or my friends. Everyone had so much faith in me and I had let them down terribly. I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone or be around people. I didn’t want to see people being happy or trying to explain to me that failure is a stepping stone because I really wasn’t having it.
After a while I told myself I was done with medicine and I was ready to start pursuing my love for food, I was ready to become a baker. Don’t get me wrong I know I can do both but i felt like such a failure you know. I just wanted something that will love me back and not make me feel this terrible. Cake makes me happy so why not? I told my friends to basically leave me alone because why not?
I sat down after sometime and decided to analyze all the advice and encouragement I had been given. One really struck me, “You have a pulse, you’re alive then its not the end. You can still do something about it.” As the Dali Lama said,
If you don’t have a problem… then don’t worry.
If you have a problem, but you can’t do something about it….then don’t worry.
If you have a problem and you can do something about it …then don’t worry.
I realized i could not let failure win, I had to stop doubting myself. I had to remind myself I am my biggest cheerleader and i had to sit up and take on this new obstacle. It was more like, if I don’t do it then who will. Failure was causing me to doubt myself and see the worst in myself, now it was up to me to make the most of it or just wallow in self pity. I know it might sound cliché but one thing is for sure when you fail at something you have all the experiences and lessons with you for life basically giving you a stepping stone to do better.
Trying to gather yourself and encourage yourself after failing is hard but you gotta dust yourself up and remind yourself about how awesome you are. Remind yourself about all your achievements, remind yourself about how far you’ve come in life and the goals you’ve reached. You’ve made it so far in life because you never gave up so why give up now? Get up and dust yourself up baby! You’re one awesome, kick ass warrior! Just remember to use every single muscle to make sure the next time you kick serious ass! Do everything in your power not to feel this emotion again.xo