CLOTHED IN GRACE

I remember the first day I got into Ukraine. Thinking of how long this medical school is going to be. I was already drained of every ounce of energy I had just by thinking about the years it was gonna take to achieve my aim. And this was just the beginning.

The years after that weren’t any easier for me, they became more challenging and difficult. Having heart breaks, feeling you weren’t good enough for the task ahead and doubting myself, asking if even I deserved to really be in med school.

Going through phases where I doubted the existence of God or His love. Falling deep into depression and seeing no way out. I figured ending it all will make the hurt go away and worst of all I pulled away from God and His unending love. Through all this phase I never failed a paper, not because I am smart, but because of grace.

I remember one night filled with so much hurt and bitterness I couldn’t recognize myself. I decided to have a heart to heart with God listening to Kevin Levar ‘A Heart That Forgives’. For the first time in a long time, I felt the rush of love and comfort overpower me and leave me in tears. I reconciled with God and I was clothed in grace.

The feeling of all your wrongs being covered, every tear being caught and all weaknesses being overlooked filled me. I was no longer broken but strengthened. Things didn’t suddenly just change but this time I had a new assurance and a friend with me which is the Holy Spirit.

Seeing myself today and realizing I officially become a medical doctor today, makes me so grateful for grace. I realize it’s what has made me who I am today and I am grateful.

Whatever it maybe that you’re going through, this is just a gentle reminder that ‘GRACE ALWAYS WINS’ no matter what! Be encouraged, xo!

QUANTITY VS QUALITY

I heard a message from a friend and I was moved. When it comes to prayer we often seem to wonder if it matters how good our prayer lives are.

Lets look at it this way, how do we fall in love?

You become friends with a stranger. You realize you wanna talk to them everyday. You smile each time you get a message from them. You feel you’ve hit the jackpot if its a call. It starts from there. You move on to writing everyday, talking about all the random things in life. You get to know them better, learning about their secrets and what makes them who they are. What they hate and what makes them laugh. Now all this is achieved by having communication.

How do we then complain about not feeling God around? Why do we complain its hard to talk to him when we are not even trying to form a relationship with Him. How often do you talk to Him? Is it to fulfill ‘all righteousness’?, is it to make yourself fill better? is it because you need something from Him? Honestly that should not be the case.

To form a relationship with Him its important to give Him the attention He needs. The way you would want your boo all up in your business and spoiling you. You have to spoil Him too, with a good time. God enjoys dates too you know. Take the good book, be on your own enjoy the scenery whiles reading His words. Kneel down and say a prayer to Him. When you roll over in the morning and open your eyes say good morning to Him like you would say to your loved one.

All i am trying to say in this post is, God has feelings too. He wants you to spend time with Him and not just any time. He needs your undivided attention and He needs loads of it. Give it try, form a relationship with Him and try just as much as you would in an earthly relationship.

Tears Dripping Down…

At times you wonder if you’re alone. Whether you carry it all on your shoulders, whether the ‘I love you’ you hear is really true.

You feel alone and under appreciated, you wonder if anyone sees it. You try your best but its never enough. God knows you would give your heart out on a platter just for the one you love but does he see it?

Tears drop down your cheek, your heart aches in pain. You wonder if it’s worth it. Your gentle heart taken for granted, your kindness for weakness. You see him jump hurdles for others but you’re given up on when you make a mistake.

Heart aches as he says he’s not sure about you but all you’ve known is how sure you’ve been about him. You stare, as your once mended heart shatters into a billion pieces only you and God can fix.

You see as he clothes his heart in a steel armour, protecting his and you leave your heart out in the cold. Bare.

You wonder why you’re able to bare it all considering the number of times you’ve been hurt. You wonder if maybe you’re the stupid one. The one who doesn’t allow others suffer for a crime they didn’t commit.

But you remember you’re different and its a cold world out there. Maybe, just maybe you must put on your own steel armour to protect your fragile heart……

TO YOU

Dear me,

This is to let you know how beautiful you are, with all your flaws and short comings. I know you would have thought by now, you would not doubt how beautiful you are or how smart you are. But you’re human and sometimes you are gonna feel that way. You would feel as though you’re not good enough at everything you do. I know its your biggest fear but baby you’re good enough.

You ain’t no size 4 but you’re beautiful. I know it gets to you when your friends call you ‘big’ because they’re ‘smaller’ than you. I know it gets to you because you’re actually eating healthier and exercising more but your metabolism isn’t like theirs. If God had created you all alike then maybe they will understand how it hurts when you’re trying to be better but they keep coming at you. Actually i also do know you don’t mind your curves, you just don’t want the tummy part but i guess it comes with the package.

Oh yeah, i know how you feel when the people you adore tell you ‘oh you should look like this more often so we can show you off’. “If you want to, whether i am on fleek or not you should. I cannot  ‘slay’ everyday, i step out just how i feel. Depending on my mood, what you see is what you get.”, yeah i hear your response which you don’t voice out. You feel beautiful either ways. With or without makeup, with your hair done or undone. I agree, baby you’re beautiful.

You’re surviving in school, you’re smart and you need no validation from anyone. You always put your best foot down. You come prepared and do the best you can. You’ve come a long way from giving up when you realize its too hard, to trying to make things work.

Not every one is going to see you as you see yourself, not everyone is gonna see all you do because they are not you. When they think you’re not worth it, show them that you are. When they think you’re too weak, show up and show them the strength hidden within you. When they think you’re not beautiful enough, show up with the biggest smile and confidence you have and own your truth because baby you are beautiful.

If you ever feel unloved, picked on or unattractive, dust those thoughts off. You are beautiful. You are the best I have ever met and I love you. Keep smiling.

Love Always,

ME.

Natural Hair Tips

Hello lovelies,

Its been way too long. I really do apologise for that but as i said in my last post my finals were around the corner but now the major part is over so i can blog again. Yaay!

I did my big chop on the 1st of April,2017. It was an easy decision to make, since my relaxed hair was damaged and thin. Plus i get to have my curls again. I am going to share a few things I am using with you. I use these things everyday.

  1. Spray bottle -which contains any oil of your choice(I use shea butter) and water. It helps to soften your hair due to the moisture. I used my old bodymist bottle. You can use any spray bottle you want. IMG_2461
  2. Leave in conditioners:

    I cannot choose between these two, i love the feel of both on my hair, so depending on my mood i use either. The mega growth is lighter though compared to olive miracle.

  3. Oils:I have been using these two, especially for my edges because I have very thin edges. Its working, because i can see the improvement.

    So far i haven’t regretted cutting my hair but i do miss my long hair sometimes. I hope these tips are helpful. Feel free to share your hair tips with me too.  xo

The Mind

Hey lovelies,

I know it’s been a while now, am sorry about that but finals are almost here so it’s making it hard to keep up, but I definitely haven’t forgotten about you guys.

Today I want to talk about the mind. If it really is as influential as we are told to believe. You know, what ever we want to achieve we think about it first and then work on it . So our mind is an incubator. So yeah it is as powerful as we are told to believe.It will bring out what you put in it. If you put in it positivity it will bear positivity and if you put in negativity, you get negativity in return.

There are a lot of things that can influence your thoughts and all these can be found in the environment you put yourself in. Basically your environment is “The sum total of all surroundings of a living organism, including natural forces and other living things, which provide conditions for development and growth as well as of danger and damage.” according to the businessdictionary.Com.

So now what is in your environment? Is it conducive for you? Is your environment helping you birth your dreams? Or rather is it taking you away from them? Now one of the main things found in our environment are friends.  Are your friends building you up or tearing you down? Are they more concerned about what they will lose when you follow your dream, than helping you grow your dreams? Are their words bringing positivity and direction? or are they doing the opposite?

What are you reading? What are you listening to? What are you watching? Is it empowering you or is it making you doubt yourself? Is it making you see the light at the end of the tunnel? Or is it causing you to give up? Your eyes and ears are windows to your mind.  What you feed them is what will be produced.

So the mind as I said earlier is an incubator keeping and absorbing all that you feed it and sooner or later it’s products are going to be seen.  Lets take a pregnant woman for example, when she takes in seed no one knows, but as she keeps on incubating this seed in her you notice the growth of the seed till finally a child is born. What I am trying to say is, you are what you think about, you are what you feed your mind and definitely your mind is the most powerful incubator there is so feed it positivity and see where it leads you.

I am not saying even with all these, negative thoughts won’t come up. Oh they will come up but it isn’t your responsibility to not accept it. Once you accept that negative thought, it takes root in your mind and that is where the problems begin. So whenever those negative thoughts come up, rebuke them and speak positivity into your mind and life. Move from the environment that inhibits your growth, take the risk, bear the pain and see your dreams materialize.

Ultimately positivity is not just good for the mind, it’s good for your soul as well. My final thought is that the mind is truly as powerful as we are told it is, and with God and positivity there is nothing we cannot achieve.xox

The Cross

To you it might just be a piece of wood. It might just be a reason why you get a holiday, to just chill. To you it probably means nothing. But the cross means much more to me. Let me tell you about the cross.

The cross represents love and sacrifice to me. It reminds me of the love i do not deserve. Someone giving himself up for me. This someone is Christ. I truly do not deserve this kind of love and I always say that if it were up to me, no one would be saved.

Let me set the scene for you: There was a prince who lived in the most powerful kingdom to ever exist. He had riches, servants at his  beck and call, he did not lack anything or have need for anything. One day he saw his father sad and down because his subjects were stubborn and disobedient and they kept straying from the rules he had made for them. These rules were made to guide them and to protect them. Now because of this, there was much suffering and pain and it brought tears to the king’s  eyes. So being a good son he asked his dad why he was sad and he told him everything. He really wanted to help at this point and was willing to do anything. His father then told him the only way to help these stubborn subjects was  to offer a sacrifice. The sacrifice had to be done with blood and the life of someone who would willingly  give up his or her life. (If it were me, this is when i would stop trying to help). The prince volunteered to be the sacrifice. Now mind you, the prince was an only child. He was the apple of his papa’s eye. ‘How’? the king thought aloud? Should i really allow my only son die in place of these disobedient subjects heading to destruction? But the love he had for his subjects was so strong that he permitted his son to offer up his life. Before the son could offer his life, he had to live like one of the subjects. He was sent away to live among the subjects. The people couldn’t recognize their prince. He tried to teach them the right way to live, he tried to draw their attention to the laws and rules of the land they were ignoring and to help them as much as he could, but they ignored him, mocked him, insulted him and rejected him even though he told them he was the prince. Only a few people accepted the prince and listened to him. Later on, one of the friends the prince made betrayed him and the prince got imprisoned. He was alleged to be a thief, fraudster and a whole lot. He wasn’t guilty of any of these allegations though. Now in prison, the prince was tortured immensely. All the guards disliked him and made his life terrible. He was scourged, a crown of thorns was made for him, he was not given any food or water.1-_ndiAgPyh8tdz3jV_z3pSw (The whip used and crown of thorns used look like this).

After the court hearing, the prince was found guilty and he was supposed to be killed by being hung on the cross. Even on the way to the place he was supposed to die for these people, he was still tortured, mocked and beaten. He had to carry his own cross and it was heavy. When they arrived at the place, he was nailed to the cross: a nail on both his right and left hands and a nail on his feet. Even as he was being tortured he still showed kindness to those who accepted him. So in the end he died for them. They were oblivious to the gift this prince had given them. But their lives had been spared.

Now, the prince is Jesus Christ and God is the king. The cross was Jesus carrying all our sins, hurts, burdens, weaknesses and so on, on himself so we might be freed. So to me easter is not about the easter bunny, no its about the cross and the man who carried all my failures and hurts so i can smile and have freedom. P.S if you have any burdens and you do not know what to do, offer it to Christ. He is willing to carry it for you. He loves you!

If you want to accept Him into your life, just say this prayer: Dear Lord Jesus, i thank you for coming to die for my sins. Please forgive me of my sins. I accept you as my Lord and personal savior. I turn my life over to you, come and be the master of my life. In Jesus name i pray with thanksgiving. Amen

Enjoy the holiday lovelies but don’t forget the reason. xo